Uncertainty and Restless .... (not a soap opera :-p)

Hello blogger world... such a great outlet to allow my thoughts go into an abyss of numerical codes and magical wavelengths of the information highway... ha! Well this week is a week that is set apart in the community I live in to refocus, get encouraged, and engage with the idea of forward motion in casting vision.... this is a week known as Jubilee. I have been sick for the past week, trying denial, unfortunately these enlarged lymph nodes in my neck don't take denial as medicine. So I have yet to jump in the river corporately in this Jubilee, so I have decided to have my own by myself in this little office on the southwest corner of my house.

I title this entry "uncertainty" because this term seems to be a common topic in my life since I jumped on the "living life by faith" train. An example being... this past year I was a teacher at our Private School here in town... and this next year I don't even have a title to my position yet but it includes Teaching/Fundraising/Counseling/Administration.... not to mention a few weeks ago my younger sister moved in with my husband and I from Chicago, and she will be teaching at our school too. Cody is trying to apply to the state right now so he can be approved to sit for the CPA exam... which is literally a year long test... he is planning on studying around 4 hours daily and that is AFTER work... needless to say, change is a continual way of life... at least its never boring... the crazy part is... these things I tell you here are things that have just occurred in the last month... this is how every month is!! Not even kidding... all that to say.... I am finding myself to be restless and uncertain.

Having my home mentally in this place of restlessness and uncertainty is so... I don't even know... there are no words... words are none.... all I know is that I MUST have heaven break through on a regular basis in this life... because I know that fear is a current that is always desiring to take over... like it NEVER stops knocking at my door, its relentless, the super awesome thing is though... that as I choose to believe and stand on the promises of God breakthrough happens every day... the image that comes to my mind is driving a boat on glassy water... God has me disturbing still waters and as I look behind me there is a massive wake of holy chaos. Needless to say, thus far in being here in Durant, I have found my job to be to stir up "comfortable waters" if you will... people are so content with these glassy waters that they don't know what to do when it comes to change, or "out of the box" thinking... and God loves me so much that he daily teaches me new ways to think... not saying that I am perfect, or that I don't have life in some constricting boxes... but I can purely say that it is my heart to grow and shadder any false image of God that I might have in restricting His love, His depth, His grace, His politics, His heart for me and for others.

Hmm...... you know... for me I love to laugh, and if I ever just need to laugh I get on youtube and watch Olan Rogers... he is one of the guys from Balloon Shop, and he is a person that stretches the bar when it comes to creative words to explain something that simply breaks my box on descriptive terms... yes, its silly, but it is inspiring at the same time as he takes clean dry humor to a place where I find myself more at peace after watching him simply because laughter is often my medicine with this place of uncertainty and restlessness.... another image that comes to my mind is Indiana Jones when he has to take that "step of faith"... haha! Really, I am freaking out, nervous, unsure, want to pee my pants type thing.... yet driven by purpose to take a step that isn't visually there... so crazy! And yes, my husband is in the same boat... and I think that us deciding to do this... to jump into a life of faith, both feet... no holding out... is us choosing a life of uncertainty and restlessness if we don't find certainty in faith, and rest in the person of God. So, the moral of the story is... faith is becoming an actual rock that I stand on ALL the time and trusting that God is who He says He is is the only place that I find rest at all... the part that just blows my mind though is that this is just the beginning!

For those of you who read this blog the rare times that I do post, I thought I would just update you in that no my student loans are not yet paid in full, BUT we were able to bite a big chunk out of em!! And I am still believing for something supernatural to occur in this area... so again be prepared for a testimony in this area sometime!! Also, this next year I am believing for more signs wonders and miracles to surround my life... I have seen two healings first hand this summer, and am excited to function more in that anointing!

So to you... who made it through this whole entry... first of all... cool! thanks for reading! And second of all.... I just pray that God would be tangibly real to you today... I pray that you would know who you are... that you would not be oppressed by knowledge, but free to break boxes and make a huge wake to leave behind by the grace of God!! I love you and I speak life to your day!! xoxo

Heaven is Breaking Through!!