so, I am in the mood to journal...

"Every man dies, but few men really live".... A quote that a very dear person challenged me to think about... so I was in Chemistry... got totally lost in what my prof. was saying, therefore I thought it to be a good time to meditate on this quote...

and what I found my self thinking was that, yes, I understand that everyman dies... but then I asked myself what it meant to live... so I compiled a few thoughts...

(in no specific order)

- be the best I can be
- be happy and don't let things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things ruin a day that I have the opportunity to live
-look at each day as an opportunity
-to love the strongest and hardest that I can... (made me think of a line in a country song.. "I'm gonna love you, like it's the last day of my life...") haha
-to be a light to the world and shine as bright at the Lord enables me to
-have faith enought to move mountains
-make a difference... world changing or one life changing
-serve the best and hardest that I can
-encourage strangers randomly
-laugh at everything... good or bad that comes along
-appreciate the little things more
-appreciate the big things more
-see new things and new places
-face fears (heights, snakes, disapproval, rejection... ect.) .... "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself...." (I don't remember the reference)
-to have my steps orderd of the Lord... always!
-to surprise people
-not miss a sun rise or sunset
-to take a positive advantage of every opportunity, and celebrate it to it's highest potential

And so after I make this list I took an acessment... and I do get the opportunity to live quite a few of these out, which is really awesome... but there is always room for more... and then some of these I flat out don't even think about... so, yeah, just kindof a internal view of one of my goals... to live!

Anyways, this semester is almost over, and It's kinda bitter sweet... I am not gonna miss the classes but there are a couple of friends that I have made that I don't know I will ever see again... my friend ZuZu, she is from Turkey, totally awesome girl... and then there is Chad, poor guy had to teach me so much... lol, he is a friend that is about to go off to dent. school... and the to cute for his own good guy got his degree in Chem. so, yeah, his knowledge was so welcomed! Along with him being a pretty awesome guy... and then there is this couple in my chem. class... God lov'em.... there are fun to just sit back and watch... and then there is this guy that audits our Chem class... Sky thinks he is an angel... but he has just been so awesome to Sky and I in just being patient in helping us understand things.... anyways, I could go on... but I won't... haha... so yeah, things are gonna be a bit different! But I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to New Orleans!! WHoo Hoo!! I will write more about that trip in a bit... but for now... I am gonna pass out!

Blessings!!

Ps. we got 3 calves today... two heffers and one bull... 4. mo, 2mo. and 1 mo. old!! They are kinda cute... I'm not gonna lie!

l m n o p....

So, I was thinkin...
just about growing up and the things that take place during the process... how we grow up in some areas and we grow down in some areas... and some, just remain...
its like a huge part of me wants to be 5 and ask my Daddy how to do everything and just be his little girl... but then there is a part of me that cannot wait to be out in the work place working as hard as I can at doing something I totally love... and then there is the now... where, I am just kinda taking little steps to get to the later... here, a place where I have to find contentment... here a place where I must remain patient... here, now, a moment, a season... this is reality. I can plan my future, I can dream about my past... but today... I am just living it... I may die tomorrow or in 5 min. from now or in 100 years...

purpose, I think that is key in so many areas! Just think, if we were to take ourselves out of any situation that get in... and just question the purpose of us doing what were doing... we would be more confident in our decisions... yes/no? And what if were were that person that thought everything through and had a logical explaination for all said, a good one... is that then reaching a level of success? What about what the Lord has to say and His plan for our lives?? Are we taking that in to account?

See, if we don't live day to day... these questions can become somewhat overwhelming.... and become more of a burden then a blessing... and I don't think anything is purposed in life to be a burden... ever... if we have a true peace about things... then why question??

Peace, that is a wonderful thing to pray for... for God to give us peace when it is the right decision and a lack of peace when it is the wrong one.... then the only choice we have to make is are we willing to be obediant to what the Holy Spirit is telling us??....

Think... what did you/I do today that surves a purpose to effect tomorrow? What about something that serves a purpose for something that will effect eternity?? That is when that 5 year old part comes out of me... why can't I just love people like I did when I was 5... run up and give random people hugs and just contain that never ending level of love that a child obtains?? And the faith... incredible!

KEY??? Balance... maybe yes, maybe no... or maybe it is just as simple as being obedient to what the Lord is giving directions in....?

the girl I will know

There she is,
playing with her toys,
at peace playing with other girls and boys.
I would have never thought she would be where she is,
it's a miracle, that shows who God really is.
as her hair falls in her face,
I have to sit back and laugh,
I can't believe she can actually do that!
she is so young to have learned such difficult lessons,
but this little one has taught me more then a thousand 'how to live right' sessions.

I question her purpose being on earth at this time,
on angels wings she will soar beyond knowledge in the human mind.
she is pure, perfect, and holy,
she is a daughter of the King of Kings... He said it,
End of Story.

It's interesting you see,
that little girl bears a strange resembalance to me.
I once knew what life was about,
having love, joy, and peace at all times... and to never ever doubt.
I once would take a step,
not even knowing it was faith,
I could just expect my Father to step up to the plate.
I once had a smile that could break any ice,
with no fear of being undignified.

Proper and presentable is what I have been tought to be,
good? yes, but I would like for someone to look at me and have the child as the one they see.
A girl who will play with no questions asked,
A leap of faith would be in every step I take,
I have been taught so much just by the thought of you,
I pray you will keep these memories as you grow,
and not look back at the child you used to know.
But carry her with you as the days go on,
Protect her,
learn from her,
remember who's daughter you are,
be faithful and strong,
and I will always be here believing in you and cheering you on.

songs on my heart...

"God is doing a work in me... He's walking through my rooms and halls-- checking every corner... tearing down the unsafe walls... letting in the light... now it's time I clean my house and set it straight... not let pride get in the way... to make an eternal vision of... I am to be kind.... will You, help me be new, will you hold me to the promises, that I have made.... will you... let me be new, forgive myoldself... and old mistakes... it seems easier, living out my life in Christ for those who do not know me, to hide the thorn stuck in my side, all my secret faults, you know me well, and it's you I want to most to see, recognize the changes, a word from you empowers me to press on for my goal, will you help me be new, will you hold me to the promises that I have made.... .... when I feel condemned to live my old life, remind me I have been given, a new life in Christ... will you help me be new will you hold me to the promises that I have make, will you let me be new forgive my old self and my old mistakes... will you... you know me well...."

"Dress down your pretty faith... give me something real... Leave out the 'The' and 'Thou' and speak to me now... speak to my pain and confusion... speak through my fears and my pride... speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside...I know that I am not perfect, but compare me to most... in a world of hurt and a world of anger, I think I'm holding my own.... now I know that you said there is more to life, no I am not satisfied, but there are mornings I wake up and I am just thankful to be alive.....I've known now, for quite a while that I am not whole... I remembered the body and mind, but disected my soul... now there's something inside thats awakening, like a dream I once had and forgot... and it's something I'm scared of and something I don't want to stop... and I woke up thismorning and realized that Jesus is not a portriat or stain glass windows or hams or all the tradition that surrounds us, and I thought it would be hard to believe in, but its not hard at all to believe I have sinned and fallen short of the Glorly of God... and He's not asking me to change in my joyful marterdom, He's asking to take my place, to stand in that gap that I have formed, with His real, and his sweet, and His real amazing grace... and it's not just a sign or sacrament... it's not just a metaphor for love, the blood is real and its' not just a symbol of, its not a sign or a sacrament, it's not just a metephore for love, the blood is real it's not just a symbol, it is real it's not just a symbol of, His blood is real, it's not just a symbol of... His grace.... so leave out the 'The and Thou' and speak now.... "


"So proud and excited that I by myself, had reached such a lofty place... I reached my last step to my ultimate goal, and clumsuly fell on my face... I opend my eyes only to find I was back at the place I had begun... and I said to myself, surely the enemy has won... And I felt, his peace that passes understand, grace that is never ending, love that overflows my soul... as I wollowed in self pity he came to sit with me there, his presence alone was so rich and so deep, it chased away all my dispair, I said "Lord please forgive me for my prideful heart, it sneakes in before I know," He said... "What prideful heart" he forgave and forgot.... He said, "how I want you to know"... my peace that passes understand, grace... that is never ending... love.... that overflows my soul.... daily I humble myself at His feet, I make his desire my will... for he has taken me higher then I have ever been and Hes taking me higher still... with His peace that passes understanding, grace... that is never ending... love that overflows my soul... peace, grace... love.... overflows my soul... my soul"

I do, I do have a life!!

Alrighty... well, it is almost to that smack dab in the middle of summer mark.... weather is hitting one hundred degrees, and when I get in my car it takes just as long for it to cool off as it does for me to get where I'm going!! Haha... it's all good though! School is going swell.... just had my first run through of exams earlier this week.... I didn't do as well as I had hoped... due to some lack of brain activity on my part... but, nothin to lose sleep over! =).....

So Jesus is pretty much amazing... and incase you were wondering... He is alive and well and wanting to talk to you really soon!!

And I was thinking the other day.... how amazing it would be if we all walked around on our hands and knees for just a day and took a look at the world from the view of a child! Adventure would be in your blood and you would have oreo cookie all over your face and in your teeth... (don't for get the milk mustache too!).... and you would ask important questions... like.... "why is the grass green?" or " if I were to swing my arms up and down could I fly too?".....

What a wonderful way to approach life!!

Memorial Weekend

Hi!! Today was a really wonderful day!! It was calm and relaxing.... and I was just able to take some time and refelct on the blessings that the Lord has given me. We went to my grandparents house in Oklahoma as a family this weekend... twaz bonding time... 5 ppl in a mid size car... yeah!! Naw, I wouldn't trade that time with them for the world!! Well, my grandma turned 69 and still looks and acts like she is in her 40's. Always serving that woman is... she is a great example of what a Proverbs 31 woman should be like!! And my Grandpa... lol... he is so goofy sometimes... he keeps grandma laughing with his corney jokes (that is where my Dad gets that trait from!!) and he keeps making their house bigger! My goodness... that man... once a blue collar... always a blue collar! And one so very precious thing.... is watching the two of them together (my grandparents).... He looks at her like he just married her... ALL the time!! They still have their flirtacious spats where they call eachother ornary (sp?) and then they kiss and pat eachother on the back and say... "you know I am just lovin on ya".... it makes a gal really want to hold out for the best!! For Gods man! Someone who knows my value and I know his valus and we are able to spur one another on and be eachothers cheerleaders towards things that God has placed ahead of us both together and individually. Okay, done with that thought.... haha..... But the house looks beautiful as always.... and there is just a peace there.... the Holy Spirit simply dwells within those walls all the time!! It's such an amazing blessing to have them in my life.... and I see my parents just like them in the future.... well... I will finishe these thoughts later... for now... I am being paged =).... God Bless You!!!

Is there somthing in the air??

So life is swell! Other then the fact that I am really missing ACU right now and being around people that are focused on school! haha... I don't know if it is just me but it seems as though EVERYONE is getting married!!! People I grew up with... people I was in my first sunday school class with! My High School boyfriend is getting married in a month!! And that is just the start! I am happy for everyone, I mean it's a wonderful thing! It's just a little difficult to keep my focus.... I'm not gonna lie ;-).... Oh, well... my time will come... someday... until then... as Relient K would say... "I think were goin some where, we're on to somthing good here... I'm pressin on, I'm pressin on".... :-) Yeah for singleness... (for the time being!)... just waiting on God to drop him in my lap... until then, I will go to school and just fall more in love with Jesus!!

Done With Spring Semester!

I am HOME!! I am excited about being home... but I am sad at the same time! I moved back on friday... kindof unplanned, but welcome to my life! haha... My Mom called me at 6am on friday morning and told me that she was coming friday in stead of Sat., sooo, yeah, I took my final came back to the room and packed... and packed... and packed some more... then Mom shows up... heaven sent! Helped get some things in order... I didn't realize how messy we had allowed the room to get after just two weeks since the last deep clean... it was a bit embarassing! Then Cody came over and helped... even more heaven sent... and bless his heart, he got to see Sky and I at our worst... lol... and he got our creamy pink water on him... now that is a true friend!! And then Carter came over (good thing, because I think that if I were to have to have carried all that stuff with Cody, I would have gotten killed!!) and he helped tremedously! Goodness, we had a lot of furniture! Well... then we brought it a couple places to store it... I pray blessings on those who said it was alright to host our items!! And then I came home that night... My Mom and Sky in one car and I in the other... I was a quite a ways ahead of my Mom and sister when I got a phone call with Brittney freakin out... apparently a huge wreak took place right in front of them and about a dozen angels got squished saving my Mom and sister from being rolled over.... as the SUV goes rolling infront of them! Crazy story! The Lords hand was there.... Praise God! Then we saved the unpacking until Sat. where we unpacked and I slept a great majority of the day... yes BUMAGE! For a short time at least! ;-)... and then Sunday, I went to Church! Then Monday... Started school again at Quad C... good times... alright, gotta study... Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease.... (thankyou David Blankenship!) ...................Jesus Loves YOUUUUUUUUU!!!

thinking about....

I LOVE KIDS!! I can't help it... something inside of me gets all giddy and freaks out when kids are around and I fall in love with any and all of them!! Highlight of my week, my neighbor, Vanessa, is babysitting this 1 1/2 yr. old little angel, that is sweet, beautful, and full of life!! Her name is Kaydin. Wow, I cannot wait to finish all this school stuff and get into my career!! I desire so badly to be a part of everychilds life that I come in contact with... I want to make sure that they are getting what they need when they need it... and just be a help to those in need! There are so many children in the world today that have amazing stories of survival, and there are so many kids who have the most amazing potential... but there is noone there to let them know how incredible the survival stories are... or how much worth and value is in their future and in them at this very moment!! I WANT TO BE THAT PERSON IN THEIR LIVES!!! The faith of a child is beautiful... there are is no other word to describe it! I see Jesus when I see the faith of a child in action... it makes me miss my Father in heaven so desperatly! Yet, it reminds me of my purpose and my calling. It keeps me grounded and focused on what I truly want, and lets me know that when all other things come into play, how pointless they are in my life while in this season. Pettyness and flesh try to creep in so slylike... grrr... the Joy of the Lord is my strength... and if something is Gods will and supposta happen, it will!! But if not, at least I know that I wasn't the one that tried to get ahead of God! So God, I guess this means that it's official, my life is in Your hands for another day, I surrender to You and Your perfect will.... NOT mine! May YOU be glorified through my life! And may I remain focused on what You have told me to be fact thus far in my life!!!

To my blog readers... God is faithful! Remember that! =)... and remember "patience is a virtue"... you never know what you will see when you wait! Be Blessed!

So, I hate to say this... but this kind of stuff happens all the time...

So yesterday I was driving and something happened, my window totally went... Bushshshshsshsssss and next thing you know I have a lap with glass all over it! My initial thought was I was hit by another car... but yeah... no, that didn't happen. My window just choose to break into a million little pieces, twaz great fun I tell ya!! ... but you see, the part that gets me here is that... something always happenes! I am always having some crazy thing take place in my life that is totally random!And it is not like I am a victim to these spontanious acts of unexpected action.. its more like, they take place for a reason unknown to me. There is more to the story but I really should get back to studying... but yeah, it is now in the shop and I only have to pay 180 to get it fixed, which is a blessing! =)... so to any other bloggers out there with enough free time to read these, I hope that you are having a wonderful day... God Bless Ya!

dreaming of my Savior

day dreaming of a sweet fairy tail,
he came on a horse,
he was wearing all white,
he knew who I was,
he knew my heart,
he saw value and beauty in all that I was,
he sought the best for me,
he was my protector,
he was my hearts desire,
he was my voice of wisdom,
he could look into my eyes and know my thoughts,
he knew before I spoke... everything,
my day dreams....
he is who I am anxiously waiting for.....

I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!

You know what... I absolutley HATE feeling defeated! My initial fleshly feeling is to take on the world by myself, because no one is gonna defeat me! Sounds pretty prideful, hu? Yeah, well, it is... I, in my flesh cannot take on the world, it will be a constant power struggle between me and the world because on my own I will always be defeated. But when I have the Lord on my side I feel stronger... but I still struggle with wanting to take the reigns and protect myself... I have this like mental image in my mind of two dogs we once had... ones name was Sasha and the other Star. Now Sasha was like 4lbs. soaking wet... she was my lil baby... but Star was a huge bear, she was approx. 125lbs... not soaking wet! Well, this picture I have in my mind is lil Sasha barking at an intruder and the intruder look at her like a fly on a wall... but Sasha, she still has a lot of confidence in her bark being very offensive. But then Star gets involved and doesn't even have to bark... but she just quietly stands behind Sasha gives the intruder a look and they run off... and Sasha walks away with a grin on her face like she has just won a battle, barly acknowledging that Star was even there.

So many times I am just like Sasha. I have this pride like I can do things myself, and it in a way, it is a part of what defines who I am, so I take a comfort in thinking that I was the one what won the battle. When all along, God (star) was the only one really fighting.

words that keep going through my mind today...

I choose you,
All my attention, affection, all my devotion,
I choose YOU!

on my mind...

So, I am absolutely in love with being in God's will!! haha.. ya know, I am finding that the more credit we take for little blessings the more it opens the door for pride. But if we close our yappers and open our eyes to see that even the smallest blessings comes from God... God reveals His glory all the more to us! It gives us opportunity to get to know Him on a more intimate level! Cuz, like, you know.. When a certain special someone notices that you put forth the thought and the effort to do something that was simply sweet and straight up thoughtful, it makes you feel appreciated! And well, on a human scale I can see how that would mean a lot... And so I think we should give God the glory for everything! Honestly, can we as humans do anything good or fruitful on our own??? Lemme help ya out here.... NO!!! We can't, therefore, what glory do we deserve if it isn't even us doing it in the first place?! ...None, but we can find our confidence not in what we do, but in what God does through us! If Christ is in us... Then what do we have to feel inferior to? We can do anything! And it will all be for the glory of God!! Which closes the doors for pride! So, God, I pray that You would be blessed, honored, and glorified through my life!!

Goodnight and God Bless!

Ps. my next round of tests are my finals... whoah... need to step it up! Time to hit the books hard core chika!

I finally got one of these

So, I like to write... a lot of things... thoughts, prayers, stories, and just vent through writing... so for anyone that likes to read, I promise this will be boring, intersting, corny, and entertaining!