God is always in a good mood! =-)

I am so so so blessed! I have been home to see my parents the last two weekends helping with some home renovations and I have fall break this weekend so I am headed back again! =-) I love home... my parents are awesome, and Kristen and Daniel (my sister and brother-in-law) just moved in with my parents... kindof-- they turned our huge garage into an apartment sort of thing-- and they are starting construction on Wed. for a new garage slash half barn for the horse and goats... (yes, I said goats... a few weeks ago my brother went an bought two goats... they are so funny they were raised by hand so they think they are dogs and they follow you around like crazy one of them even licked me last week)... when I leave my family starts a farm! lol... but we do have a baby calf that is soooooo cute-- but she won't let us near her-- anyways, I will have to post pictures after this weekend, but the neatest thing about Kristen living out in the boonies with my parents is that her kids Ethan, Meranda, and Ty are out there too!! I get to see them every time I come home-- they are PRECIOUS! Again, I will have to put up pictures later! But, anyways, God is just so good and I have so much joy in my life especially as of late-- Joy is ALWAYS available, it is just harder sometimes to find it, but the Holy Spirit seeks and desires to bless us... God is in a good mood and I was not baptized in lemon juice! I have liberty and freedom and I will not succom to the things of the world-- because the supernatural world is so much better! haha... love love and pics coming soon!

I LOVE OLD PEOPLE!!

So trusting in the Lord is getting more and more awesome... really! So, I am taking this class at the hospital, and through it I am a student chaplain there, it has been stretching but good.. . anyways, yesterday I went into this room with this elderly lady (89 yrs old) she broke her leg...well she and another woman visitor were sitting in the room and lit up when I came in, so I felt really welcome (which was nice!)... we talked small talk for a while then it started getting a little awkward... so I started praying and asking God what I should do... and some scripture from Titus came to my mind... about the older women teaching the younger women how to love their husbands... so, I began asking them about their husbands who have both passed away.. it was some wonderful advice so I thought I would share!

**Always choose love, when its hard, get over it and choose love

**Serve, when you don't feel like serving them, do it anyways

**Keep a tender heart for them, always be willing to change your perspective to encourage them where they are at and not for where you wish they were

**When you get angry, smile, go out onto the back porch scream, smile, come back inside and hug your husband until you feel love for him.

**Cherish the little things

Talk about awesome! These women were talking about how they lived as wives during the great depression and said that they were broke beyond what I could understand, and that they were just as happy then that they were in the prime of their work... they said that finances are NOT what determines the joy that a young couple is capable of having... their attitude is... to laugh, they lived very joyfully and laughed often... she noted that there is more money in the US then there has ever been and yet there are more divorces then ever in history...

So, anyways, for those of you married or unmarried I thought that this would be neat wisdom to absorb! Well, I am going to go watch the 700 club with Cody... hehe...gotta love Pat Robinson! love, peace, and Jesus!

Growing Up = Responsibility = Trusting God = Amazing!

WOW!! The last three months of my life have been kinda crazy... I have gone from changing my entire career path, to taking physics (the devil), to making future plans with Cody (yeah!!)... and here is my conclusion.... TRUSTING GOD is both entirely freaky, and the best thing I could ever do! So, where I am at right now, is applying to graduate school in clinical psychology (after this I might need to see a psych! jk) , I am actually applying with my Mom, so we would do our masters together, which would be a lot of fun I think! So I am sitting on and waiting for my acceptance letter! Cody is applying to the ACU graduate program in Accounting, God has transformed his mind into going on to further education vs. working for an accounting firm, which is cool, he is looking and planning on becoming a professor, so he will be moving to lubbock next year to start the PhD program which means I will be moving to lubbock next year (fingers crossed!!!) ... wink wink! I think we thought we weren't far enough from civilization, so I thought I would follow in Smithy's footsteps! haha... but then I have been slapped in the face with reality... if (when) we get married, what does one do about health insurance, as two full time students?!? And how do we pay bills?!? Living on love is a very romantic thought, but, uhh... call me a realist... but, electric companies don't care so much about the mushy love stuff! So anyways, I am doing my research.... and praying, and trusting that if we are on the path that God has called us to, He WILL provide! Sooo... Cody has been playing the McDonalds Monopoly... lol, hoping to win the 100,000.00.... haha!!! Anyways, growing up, wierd, I never thought I would be concerned about not having health insurance-- bam! Wow, slap! So to any of you reading this, I would really appreciate your prayers!

But, I must say.... God is so faithful!!!!! It is my nature to be a planner... and when things don't look like they will be just right it is easy for me to stress, like to the point of my hair falling out... But God has given me peace... seriously... just as David, prayed (ps. 51) "resore unto me the joy of my salvation"... I feel restored in that!!! My joy is complete... in knowing that my future could be in no better hands... so here I go... practicing what I preach in living my life walking on the water... taking steps of faith... doing my best to hear the voice of God... man, I don't know exactly how, but I want to... and I am desiring the heart of God more then ever... I keep declaring over my life the quote: "I will not be moved by how I FEEL, but by the Word of God"... amen, and amen... so even though I have a physics test tomorrow (which I like to consider and attack from satan)... I can dance on that test, because I can trust that I have the ability to overcome that test, because greater is He that is IN ME, then he who is in the world!!! It is through Christ that I am made victorious!! So be encouraged, because He that overcame the world, the grave, sin, and death... lives within you today, He desires to withhold no good thing from you... I encourage you as teachers... get to class a little early, pray over those seats where those little ones will be sitting, your days will change! You in the buisness work place... get to work a little early and pray over your office... the atmosphere will change!!! =-).... God IS FAITHFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Physics.... simple???..... lies, all lies!!?!?

So, I got my Physics test back today... not pretty... although I have never been so proud of a C... haha... I have taken the initiative and gotten cable and internet... the first time I have turned on my TV for a year and a half... just in time for finding out what in the world is going on with our economy... Lord help us all!! geez... what a crazy situation... props to McCain though... bravo on the campaign strategy... even though the other day the poles he was at 42% and Obama 58%... a man hasnt come back from being down in the poles this far in the game since 1949! Sad, day... I really like McCain... time to pray! So I am also in this Intro to Hospital Minisry class for my last upper level Bible class... and basically we are student chaplins... it is called experiential learning, we are not trained really before... we just go into patients rooms by ourselves and talk with them... yesterday, I went into my first prisioners room... it was crazy, there were guards everywhere and he had handcuffs on... I felt like I was in a movie... he looked just like the goofy sidekicks in movies... he was short, chubby, shavedhead, with black framed glasses that were to small for his head! But we had a great prayer time! After the hospital Cody and I went with Love and Care minisries for our first homeless outreach outting together... it was awesome, we just handed out food at homeless camps and to guys along the train tracks and everything... everyone was drink by 6, extremely entertaining, and fun to be able to give them something to sober them up a bit so we could love on them... it was heart!! Anyways, Cody has two interviews next week.. One with Whiltey Penn (Wed.) and the other with Ernst & Young (Fri.), I think the Whitley Penn one is the one he will go with if he sticks with a job in Acct. ... he will be in Ft.Worth right next to TCU... I talked to Amanda Owens the other day asking her about where to live and the cost of living... so that was really nice to hear from her! But, anyways, time to get back to writing my Non-Fiction Paper...Brittney and I have a meeting tonight with CMDA (Christian Medical and Dental Association)... basically we get to hear the testimonies and life stories of local community doctors, dentists, nurses... ect.! So that is what is going on in the life of Crystal... cheeze!

Hole in the wall... bottomless coffee... amen!

Here I am sitting at a little hole in the wall coffee shop that has the best coffee in town... it is like the art district of Abilene and there is some very deep art all around me... it makes me want to paint,or write, or I don't know... be deep! But it got me thinking about how our atmosphere often dictates our natural mood or feelings... it is when we are in a gloomy setting where we have to choose to be bright and shiny... As Meredith Grey would like to think of herself... I think that is why the Bible encourages us to choose life... no matter where we are we always have the option of our attitude toward whatever our circumstances might be... so I encourage you... blogger... choose life, choose joy... when things suck... smile... go against your natural tendency to succom to the norm... everybody can adapt to their nature... but it takes God and true peace to be more to expect more out of life... out of yourself...life is good, especially in a modern art hole in the wall bottomless coffee shop... peace

I am in a Summer I course... "Drug Education"... I felt less ignorant in Cardiovascular Physiology!!.... I know nothing about street drugs... I didn't even know that there was a difference between heroin and cocain.... needless to say... I feel kindof incompetent everyday of class... but thats okay, because that is just my flesh... and I know that my ignorance can open a door for someones deliverence!!
Amandas wedding is this weekend... then Smithy's is coming up the early part of this fall... it's funny... there have been at least 12 weddings since school let out of friends on mine... crazy... I feel like a kid with a bunch of grown up friends... not in a negative way, but just that I have so much more school ahead of me it feels like I have been held back a few grades... I love it, I wouldn't have my life any other way, it's just a odd phenomenon.....
I met a guy named Forrest last week.. it has been a really long time since I have encounterd someone with such a fresh sincere brokeness towards the things of God... he has been to hell and back it seems and has a very realistic idea of the power of Jesus Christ... he was so encouraging... he kept of saying how happy he was to meet Cody and I, but I couldn't help but be incredibly blessed by his presence, I wanted to be around him... he didn't pretend to know everything, he knew that God was the answer to everything, he doesn't even know it, but with his attitude -- he could have a serious impact on our generation! He is one of those people you look at and think to yourself... "that guy is cool without even trying"... and you just want to meet him... but he is super humble.... wow, I think sometimes that I have come so far... that I can do so much because I am a good little girl that loves God... but the truth of the matter is... my 22 years of being a "expert" christian is totally challenged by a young man that has known God for 6 months... I have clearly NOT arrived.... I have far to go, and alot to discover and know... so I end these thoughts with a prayer...

God, I know I am your daughter... I think that is so awesome that I can say that and understand it to some levels, teach me how to opperate out of the gifts that you have given me... teach me how to submit myself to others and love beyond my natural ability... Through your Holy Spirit I have power... the same power that was in Jesus as he walked on the earth... it makes me a little nervous to know that, because I know that very few people in the world will understand that... but God I ask for boldness, not emotion but the ability to speak TRUTH in love as you lead and guide me! I want to understand your Word in the depths of it... teach me about YOU God... open my ears... silence the world around me and give me supernatural ears to hear You... I want to do what you want me to do, I want to say what you want me to say... I desire for you to not be my top priority but for you to be THE priority in everything that I do... be the core of me God... be my all and my everything.... and I ask that you would be with me in class today, I don't know very much in this class, but I know that you are with me and I pray that I can be a light, that I can speak truth, and that I will be supernaturally wise in my thoughts and words! I love you God... be my core!!

You could say it has been a while...

I think it has literally been a year since I have been on here... wierd... today has been a strange day... I find myself kindof drifting in my thoughts... it's been difficult to remain focused... school is good... hard but good... life is good... challenging at times but all the while God remains my constant... what a relief... to know that He is unchanging... never ending... He is my all, my everything... my life sustainer... God I give you my thoughts... my drifting ones especially... I ask that you would show your mercy.... your powerful grace.... your unending and undeniable love... God, I ask that you would show me you!!

The Lord calls us to come away as His beloved... He desires to be intimate with us not in a wierd way but in a way that He longs for us to be in His presence... I am challenged... to go... be with God... in a vulnerable and personal way... in a way that I don't have to explain, I can't explain... CONCLUSION: GOD IS GOOD... and He is in LOVE with His children!!!

Feeling Blessed

Wow, I am constantly in a state of awe as I walk around and think about the blessings that we have been so freely and graceously given. When we walk in the favor of the Lord, the boundries are limitless! There is no stop to the hand of a Father who has the whole world in His hands and is anxious to give His children the desires of their hearts. When we, God's precious children submit, and obey the guidence of the Holy Spirit (which is the best road we could ever take anyways) the road is truly paved in a perfect way. To often we think we can take the reigns at one point or another, but in all honesty if we were to just be patient and willing to wait on the Lord to guide us, we would be saved from a world of hurt. Not that the road marked out for us by God is going to be an easy one... but He gives us the strength and wisdom needed to go on that path of obediance. Then His grace is sufficient when we have our "flesh moment's."

But more on the side of blessings... wow, great family, great friends, great school, great future, great life... and none of this I mean/say in boasting... but everyone of these great things has been given to me by the Lord!! Really!! He needs to be glorified in all these things!! So, I thank Him for all these blessings! And I pray that I would be faithful in glorifying Him through everything!!

thoughts...

What is it in us as humans that desires and seeks approval from people around us? Why to some of us change to please... and then why do some of us remain so stuck in our ways that we make nobody around us happy?? Like... Conformity vs. non-conformity??

How does one finally find their identity independent of another human being? And what place does a person need to get to to be considered "whole" in Christ?? I hear that so often... we need to be whole in God before we identify ourselves with another... well, if that is the case then I will never be able to identify myself with another due to the fact that I am a sinner, and I will not be whole in Christ until I am present with Him! So when can a person be content with who they are when they are in constant change... for better or for worse. It kills me to see people selling themselves short to please another for vain purposes (speakin to the choir here)... Is their something wrong with changing circumstances?? I think it would depend on the honest motive behind the action.

Then on the flip side, how do you accept a person as they are... And once the relationship has reached a mature enough position to where you can encourage them to change for the better?? And still not be the dictator as to what the better is for them... But just to encourage them to be in forward motion... I mean, yes, you will accept them as they are, but what about when they change... And what about when we change? Both become vulnerable to the other as to whether or not the change will be accepted...

then we have unconditional love... And the question as to if humans can even comprehend this thought. Yes, it is an act of a supernatural God... But is it always limited with humans? What is the breaking point? Is it a trait or a choice?

A couple married for 50+ years... AMAZING right? Some people can't even imagine spending that much time with one person... Yet it is one of the most admirable things on this planet (bias?? Maybe)... Marriage is a very very very important decision... to those who have the choice to do so. The Bible talks about a woman setting the atmostphere of the home... "it is better for a man to sit at the corner of his roof top then to live with a corralsome (sp?) wife"... (paraphrased from Proverbs somthin... work with me) ... therefore a woman is a pretty big mood setter in the house... her words can be pleasant or harsh... one should NEVER go into a marriage with divorce being an option... ever. Thus the importance of understanding oneself and ones spouse. Not only is one getting a roomie, but a lifetime mate who will hopefully be their best friend for the remainder of their lives! AND ITS A WONDERFUL THING!!

Anyways... just thoughts being writen... peace, love, and chicken grease!

Me

I was listening to a guy speaking earlier and he started talking about how we as human love to talk about ourselves... which at first sounded like a negitive thing... and it can be... but he started to challenge the listeners to sit down and write down a list of things they see in themselves -and not to use the excuse that we don't know who we are... because obviously we know who we are if we are so good at talking about us... we all like to be experts, right-- haha... so here is a list of things about me... good and bad -- and then I am suppost to meditate on these things and make sure that I have my priorities in order... and then challenge others to do the same....

I enjoy being happy... all the time

I don't need a lot of sleep

I would rather do indoor house work then outdoor, but I will work hard reguardless

I get tense when things are not organized

I am in love with children

I can't wait to fulfill the purpose of each day

I REALLY like dip cones

I have always been a sucker for crushing on guys that can sing or play an instrument

I will marry someone A LOT like my Dad

I am sick of dating

Other then the Lord, my parents are my heros

I don't like tap water, and yes I can tell the difference

I firmly believe that sacrificing onces personal agenda to encourage another, even if they don't recieve it right away... is totally worth it

God has given me a heart for short term missions

God will enable me to plant orphanages world wide

God will enable me to head up non-prof. organizations for full donated funding for the orphanages, no government involvement

I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength

I fall hard and fast

I am impatient

I love to love

I can't wait to be the most fantastic wife ever

I can't wait to let my husband know that he is the most incredible man on the planet everyday for the rest of our lives

I can't wait to travel around the world... with him!

Oh, and my husband will be the most incredible man on the planet!!

I try ti listen to sermons daily

I turn off sermons when I don't agree with what they are saying (even after being open minded)

I don't understand the purpose of denominations

I have an amazing family

I am really picky about clothes

I am really picky about shoes

I am really picky about decor

I am really picky about guys

I know what I like and don't like (most of the time)

I hate satan

I am loyal

I love movies

I can manipulate

I try not to manipulate

I like poetry

I wish I could still wear hats and gloves and gowns like they did back in the day

I really enjoy reading the Bible for long periods of time

I am a fan of art and artisic things, but I don't know much about it (I'd like to learn!)

I don't have very many close friends

I am clumsy

I try not to judge, but I do...

I love funny people

I love it when people are sincere

I take vulnerability very seriously

I believe a second chance is worth considering

I make mistakes often

I like to cook and make what I cook pretty

I like to let others know they are beautiful

Aristotle was really on to something when he said that he is the "smartest man, because I know that I don't know anything"

I am really big on smells

I miss cheerleading

I need to get into better shape

I am working on it

I like to work

I need to stay sensitive to the Holy Spirit or I become self absorbed

I seek out purpose in things available to do

I am trying to become more logical

Some commercials can make me cry

I like to dream

Meeting new people is fun

I like to face my fears

I can talk to much

I can talk to little

I can be shy

I can be outgoing

I believe a child is the best place to go for prayer

I believe that a child is very powerful

okay... that is all that is coming to my mind currently.... I have to jet, oven is beeping!! Now it's your turn... =) ~Blessings~

Ladies... never settle for less....

Ladies, Never Settle For Less…
When he looks at you,
Is he looking at your eyes?
When he talks to you,
Do you feel confident?
When he talks about you,
What does he say?
When you think about him,
Is there peace?
When you go out,
Do you feel like the only woman there,
or is every woman around you a competitor for his attention?
When your out of town,
Would you trust him if he didn’t call?
When you are alone with him,
Do you compromise?
…….
Now, yes… all these questions are good a valid…
But one thing that we ladies need to remember….
We need to be women who uphold our standards…
Who respect ourselves…
Who respect a good man…
And not try and drag him down by getting his attention in a disrespectful way….
We need to know that we are worth more then that….
Mystery is sexy… to the right kind of man….
Innocence is sexy… to a man that deserves you….
Just because he isn’t checking out your bod doesn’t mean he is not interested….
Maybe he is a man of worth and value with sincere motives…
Ladies need to be women of worth…
If you are not living like you desire him to be living…
Your not going to get him…
If you follow your heart and remain focused on what is really important…
He will see that,
And he will see that there is value in you….
So ladies….
Don’t settle for less of a man….
And ladies….
Don’t settle for less of yourself!
~Me

HIStory teller/maker

INVISIBLE CHILDREN.... I saw the video for it this past spring @ school... and I can't shake the meaning, the potential, and the future of it....

.... I have been so inspired by this awakening, and how it all took place! It's crazy! And well... quite motivating as well! There are a lot of things that go into it that I won't take the time to write on here... but.... well, I will leave it in the words of one of the guys that started the Invisible Children movement....Jason Russel said...

"Because the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do."

So, anything is possible... =)

so, I am in the mood to journal...

"Every man dies, but few men really live".... A quote that a very dear person challenged me to think about... so I was in Chemistry... got totally lost in what my prof. was saying, therefore I thought it to be a good time to meditate on this quote...

and what I found my self thinking was that, yes, I understand that everyman dies... but then I asked myself what it meant to live... so I compiled a few thoughts...

(in no specific order)

- be the best I can be
- be happy and don't let things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things ruin a day that I have the opportunity to live
-look at each day as an opportunity
-to love the strongest and hardest that I can... (made me think of a line in a country song.. "I'm gonna love you, like it's the last day of my life...") haha
-to be a light to the world and shine as bright at the Lord enables me to
-have faith enought to move mountains
-make a difference... world changing or one life changing
-serve the best and hardest that I can
-encourage strangers randomly
-laugh at everything... good or bad that comes along
-appreciate the little things more
-appreciate the big things more
-see new things and new places
-face fears (heights, snakes, disapproval, rejection... ect.) .... "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself...." (I don't remember the reference)
-to have my steps orderd of the Lord... always!
-to surprise people
-not miss a sun rise or sunset
-to take a positive advantage of every opportunity, and celebrate it to it's highest potential

And so after I make this list I took an acessment... and I do get the opportunity to live quite a few of these out, which is really awesome... but there is always room for more... and then some of these I flat out don't even think about... so, yeah, just kindof a internal view of one of my goals... to live!

Anyways, this semester is almost over, and It's kinda bitter sweet... I am not gonna miss the classes but there are a couple of friends that I have made that I don't know I will ever see again... my friend ZuZu, she is from Turkey, totally awesome girl... and then there is Chad, poor guy had to teach me so much... lol, he is a friend that is about to go off to dent. school... and the to cute for his own good guy got his degree in Chem. so, yeah, his knowledge was so welcomed! Along with him being a pretty awesome guy... and then there is this couple in my chem. class... God lov'em.... there are fun to just sit back and watch... and then there is this guy that audits our Chem class... Sky thinks he is an angel... but he has just been so awesome to Sky and I in just being patient in helping us understand things.... anyways, I could go on... but I won't... haha... so yeah, things are gonna be a bit different! But I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to New Orleans!! WHoo Hoo!! I will write more about that trip in a bit... but for now... I am gonna pass out!

Blessings!!

Ps. we got 3 calves today... two heffers and one bull... 4. mo, 2mo. and 1 mo. old!! They are kinda cute... I'm not gonna lie!

l m n o p....

So, I was thinkin...
just about growing up and the things that take place during the process... how we grow up in some areas and we grow down in some areas... and some, just remain...
its like a huge part of me wants to be 5 and ask my Daddy how to do everything and just be his little girl... but then there is a part of me that cannot wait to be out in the work place working as hard as I can at doing something I totally love... and then there is the now... where, I am just kinda taking little steps to get to the later... here, a place where I have to find contentment... here a place where I must remain patient... here, now, a moment, a season... this is reality. I can plan my future, I can dream about my past... but today... I am just living it... I may die tomorrow or in 5 min. from now or in 100 years...

purpose, I think that is key in so many areas! Just think, if we were to take ourselves out of any situation that get in... and just question the purpose of us doing what were doing... we would be more confident in our decisions... yes/no? And what if were were that person that thought everything through and had a logical explaination for all said, a good one... is that then reaching a level of success? What about what the Lord has to say and His plan for our lives?? Are we taking that in to account?

See, if we don't live day to day... these questions can become somewhat overwhelming.... and become more of a burden then a blessing... and I don't think anything is purposed in life to be a burden... ever... if we have a true peace about things... then why question??

Peace, that is a wonderful thing to pray for... for God to give us peace when it is the right decision and a lack of peace when it is the wrong one.... then the only choice we have to make is are we willing to be obediant to what the Holy Spirit is telling us??....

Think... what did you/I do today that surves a purpose to effect tomorrow? What about something that serves a purpose for something that will effect eternity?? That is when that 5 year old part comes out of me... why can't I just love people like I did when I was 5... run up and give random people hugs and just contain that never ending level of love that a child obtains?? And the faith... incredible!

KEY??? Balance... maybe yes, maybe no... or maybe it is just as simple as being obedient to what the Lord is giving directions in....?

the girl I will know

There she is,
playing with her toys,
at peace playing with other girls and boys.
I would have never thought she would be where she is,
it's a miracle, that shows who God really is.
as her hair falls in her face,
I have to sit back and laugh,
I can't believe she can actually do that!
she is so young to have learned such difficult lessons,
but this little one has taught me more then a thousand 'how to live right' sessions.

I question her purpose being on earth at this time,
on angels wings she will soar beyond knowledge in the human mind.
she is pure, perfect, and holy,
she is a daughter of the King of Kings... He said it,
End of Story.

It's interesting you see,
that little girl bears a strange resembalance to me.
I once knew what life was about,
having love, joy, and peace at all times... and to never ever doubt.
I once would take a step,
not even knowing it was faith,
I could just expect my Father to step up to the plate.
I once had a smile that could break any ice,
with no fear of being undignified.

Proper and presentable is what I have been tought to be,
good? yes, but I would like for someone to look at me and have the child as the one they see.
A girl who will play with no questions asked,
A leap of faith would be in every step I take,
I have been taught so much just by the thought of you,
I pray you will keep these memories as you grow,
and not look back at the child you used to know.
But carry her with you as the days go on,
Protect her,
learn from her,
remember who's daughter you are,
be faithful and strong,
and I will always be here believing in you and cheering you on.

songs on my heart...

"God is doing a work in me... He's walking through my rooms and halls-- checking every corner... tearing down the unsafe walls... letting in the light... now it's time I clean my house and set it straight... not let pride get in the way... to make an eternal vision of... I am to be kind.... will You, help me be new, will you hold me to the promises, that I have made.... will you... let me be new, forgive myoldself... and old mistakes... it seems easier, living out my life in Christ for those who do not know me, to hide the thorn stuck in my side, all my secret faults, you know me well, and it's you I want to most to see, recognize the changes, a word from you empowers me to press on for my goal, will you help me be new, will you hold me to the promises that I have made.... .... when I feel condemned to live my old life, remind me I have been given, a new life in Christ... will you help me be new will you hold me to the promises that I have make, will you let me be new forgive my old self and my old mistakes... will you... you know me well...."

"Dress down your pretty faith... give me something real... Leave out the 'The' and 'Thou' and speak to me now... speak to my pain and confusion... speak through my fears and my pride... speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside...I know that I am not perfect, but compare me to most... in a world of hurt and a world of anger, I think I'm holding my own.... now I know that you said there is more to life, no I am not satisfied, but there are mornings I wake up and I am just thankful to be alive.....I've known now, for quite a while that I am not whole... I remembered the body and mind, but disected my soul... now there's something inside thats awakening, like a dream I once had and forgot... and it's something I'm scared of and something I don't want to stop... and I woke up thismorning and realized that Jesus is not a portriat or stain glass windows or hams or all the tradition that surrounds us, and I thought it would be hard to believe in, but its not hard at all to believe I have sinned and fallen short of the Glorly of God... and He's not asking me to change in my joyful marterdom, He's asking to take my place, to stand in that gap that I have formed, with His real, and his sweet, and His real amazing grace... and it's not just a sign or sacrament... it's not just a metaphor for love, the blood is real and its' not just a symbol of, its not a sign or a sacrament, it's not just a metephore for love, the blood is real it's not just a symbol, it is real it's not just a symbol of, His blood is real, it's not just a symbol of... His grace.... so leave out the 'The and Thou' and speak now.... "


"So proud and excited that I by myself, had reached such a lofty place... I reached my last step to my ultimate goal, and clumsuly fell on my face... I opend my eyes only to find I was back at the place I had begun... and I said to myself, surely the enemy has won... And I felt, his peace that passes understand, grace that is never ending, love that overflows my soul... as I wollowed in self pity he came to sit with me there, his presence alone was so rich and so deep, it chased away all my dispair, I said "Lord please forgive me for my prideful heart, it sneakes in before I know," He said... "What prideful heart" he forgave and forgot.... He said, "how I want you to know"... my peace that passes understand, grace... that is never ending... love.... that overflows my soul.... daily I humble myself at His feet, I make his desire my will... for he has taken me higher then I have ever been and Hes taking me higher still... with His peace that passes understanding, grace... that is never ending... love that overflows my soul... peace, grace... love.... overflows my soul... my soul"

I do, I do have a life!!

Alrighty... well, it is almost to that smack dab in the middle of summer mark.... weather is hitting one hundred degrees, and when I get in my car it takes just as long for it to cool off as it does for me to get where I'm going!! Haha... it's all good though! School is going swell.... just had my first run through of exams earlier this week.... I didn't do as well as I had hoped... due to some lack of brain activity on my part... but, nothin to lose sleep over! =).....

So Jesus is pretty much amazing... and incase you were wondering... He is alive and well and wanting to talk to you really soon!!

And I was thinking the other day.... how amazing it would be if we all walked around on our hands and knees for just a day and took a look at the world from the view of a child! Adventure would be in your blood and you would have oreo cookie all over your face and in your teeth... (don't for get the milk mustache too!).... and you would ask important questions... like.... "why is the grass green?" or " if I were to swing my arms up and down could I fly too?".....

What a wonderful way to approach life!!

Memorial Weekend

Hi!! Today was a really wonderful day!! It was calm and relaxing.... and I was just able to take some time and refelct on the blessings that the Lord has given me. We went to my grandparents house in Oklahoma as a family this weekend... twaz bonding time... 5 ppl in a mid size car... yeah!! Naw, I wouldn't trade that time with them for the world!! Well, my grandma turned 69 and still looks and acts like she is in her 40's. Always serving that woman is... she is a great example of what a Proverbs 31 woman should be like!! And my Grandpa... lol... he is so goofy sometimes... he keeps grandma laughing with his corney jokes (that is where my Dad gets that trait from!!) and he keeps making their house bigger! My goodness... that man... once a blue collar... always a blue collar! And one so very precious thing.... is watching the two of them together (my grandparents).... He looks at her like he just married her... ALL the time!! They still have their flirtacious spats where they call eachother ornary (sp?) and then they kiss and pat eachother on the back and say... "you know I am just lovin on ya".... it makes a gal really want to hold out for the best!! For Gods man! Someone who knows my value and I know his valus and we are able to spur one another on and be eachothers cheerleaders towards things that God has placed ahead of us both together and individually. Okay, done with that thought.... haha..... But the house looks beautiful as always.... and there is just a peace there.... the Holy Spirit simply dwells within those walls all the time!! It's such an amazing blessing to have them in my life.... and I see my parents just like them in the future.... well... I will finishe these thoughts later... for now... I am being paged =).... God Bless You!!!

Is there somthing in the air??

So life is swell! Other then the fact that I am really missing ACU right now and being around people that are focused on school! haha... I don't know if it is just me but it seems as though EVERYONE is getting married!!! People I grew up with... people I was in my first sunday school class with! My High School boyfriend is getting married in a month!! And that is just the start! I am happy for everyone, I mean it's a wonderful thing! It's just a little difficult to keep my focus.... I'm not gonna lie ;-).... Oh, well... my time will come... someday... until then... as Relient K would say... "I think were goin some where, we're on to somthing good here... I'm pressin on, I'm pressin on".... :-) Yeah for singleness... (for the time being!)... just waiting on God to drop him in my lap... until then, I will go to school and just fall more in love with Jesus!!